We leave in less than two weeks to pick up Israel and I am so excited and nervous. It is often said that God does not give us more than we can handle, and I do not believe that. I have lived a life where I have strained and broken beneath the weight of sorrow and fear. I have held dying children and witnessed horrible atrocities. I’ve seen broken bones, burns and whip marks from electrical cords. I’ve seen molestation, murder and misery heaped on babies. I will not say that these are things that I “handled”; no, I will say that these are things that made me weep on my knees in the shower and scream loudly at God alone in my car. I can look back at these things that broke me and realize that I had no where left to turn, but God.
While in Eastern Europe, I was once again given more than I could handle. I fully expected to be saddened, but I felt equipped to see atrocities. I was confident and ready to roll up my sleeves and help. I had spent 8 years caring in my home for medically fragile and broken foster children. I thought I understood neglect and abuse. I felt prepared, and I wasn’t.
For at least a month after I returned, I could not sleep without smelling the orphanage. I could not close my eyes without the children being there to greet me. And never in my life had I felt so ineffectual. The problem was so overwhelming and awful. What could I do but help one little boy. In fact, I had begun this journey to bring home two and was blind-sided when I met Dylan and realized we could not do both boys. WHY? I could not understand the purpose in all of this. Overwhelmed and saddened, I turned and realized that by myself I was ineffectual. Standing alone, I was but a grain of sand on a beach of overwhelming need. And yet, I was not standing alone…no, God had provided a village.
A whole village of people who also were horrified and saddened. Amazingly talented and willing individuals who wanted to help. And the help poured in…
Financially we have been provided for…
Financially others have been provided for…..
And medically the supplies and funding rolled in….
The Orphan Tree raised thousands of dollars for adopting families. The medical supplies are packed and ready. And we have friends and family stepping forward to help with our children when we leave. Willing to cook meals, do laundry and keep an eye on things until we return.
It helps to look back on all the things that I’ve not handled and see God’s hand in every part. To see the beauty He has made from ashes. And to also see the blessings He has heaped on our little family.
It has truly been a miracle to see every dime we have needed for this adoption provided. Every step of the way, we have been amazed at the provision.
And now I stand on the brink of a huge, life-changing moment. I am flying to Eastern Europe to bring home a child who will absolutely turn our world on edge. And I know that he will be HARD. And I know that I will probably cry in my shower and wonder WHY. But at the end of the day, I will turn to my God with the knowledge that I don’t have to answer the WHYs. I only have to be willing to be led where my “Trust is Without Borders”. Thank you all for helping us, you are as much a part of this journey as we are. We cannot wait for you to meet Israel Judah Gagnon.