I want to leave these words for you. Perhaps you will one day pick them up and gather a better understanding of your journey. I hope they give you courage and strength and a sense of how very much you are loved.
It’s been one year. I will never forget that moment. I won’t forget walking into a building with breathless anticipation. The smell, the sounds and the touch of you will forever be carved into my memories. I also know you won’t remember. I know that for you, it was just one more transition. You had no way of knowing that this move would settle you into your forever family. So I picked up two year-old you and suddenly you were mine. I would sit the five hour car ride and marvel at your tiny fingers and your rosebud lips.
I also would spend the five hour car ride knowing that the real work was beginning. I already knew that you came with hurts, fears and trauma. That your little two year-old mind had experienced far too much for one so little. And I saw all the little signs. You didn’t know how to play, you had zero language, and you preferred to sit in solitude and rock yourself inside your own little world. It is not normal for a two year old to demand so little attention.
You arrived home to great fanfare as you were surrounded by a loud and loving family. As the baby of 7 siblings, there would be no lack of affection or fun. But you desired quiet and solitude and we tried very hard to give you structure and schedule. Your feelings were big as only two year old feelings can be. And this first year home brought extraordinary growth.
When I said you had zero language, this meant no language in your native country. You didn’t even label people or things. And what has been amazing, is to watch you learn English and become completely verbal in one short year. You also learned to walk in prosthetics. So even though I missed your first two years, I did not miss the firsts that often happen during those years. I got to hear your first words and see your first steps, and that was a gift.
But perhaps the most important thing that I want you to know, is how very wanted and loved you are. You are brave and strong and I am so incredibly blessed to be your mother. There will be moments that you may feel less than adequate or different (we all feel this way), but baby we crossed an ocean to find you and you are perfect. We love you, Zorey and we are so glad you are finally home.
